YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
