I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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