margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
