I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
