are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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