Kiss
Puke
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
