white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
