so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
