this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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