We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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