I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
