I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
