i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
