Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's Friday. Sex?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
