well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
