Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
