I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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