i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
