The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
