Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
