Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
