Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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