dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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