She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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