i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
