the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
