Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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