Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
