When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
