guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
