I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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