Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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