She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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