Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
