apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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