If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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