So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
