Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
