So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
