did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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