some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
