3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
