i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
