Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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