You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
