I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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