Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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