I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
