Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
