I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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