Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
