brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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