Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
