i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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