Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
