They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
