everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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