My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
