Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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