2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
