really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
