Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
