I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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