So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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