the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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