i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
