I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
