you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
