can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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