So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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