I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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