i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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