I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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