I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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