Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
did i just pee glitter
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
