Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
