rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
