i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
