U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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