do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
