Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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