if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Found your dick twin last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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