I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
