To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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