you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
