She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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