grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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