she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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