Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
