like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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