i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
